Posted: January 2, 2012
I lost my Dad back in October. It was from Leukemia, he was diagnosed in June and it took him down fast.
He and I had many difficult years but we had the time between June and October to bury it all and move forward.
I am so thankful for that.
My Wife and Children, my Brother and my extended Family and my True Blood Brothers were there for me when I needed them. He moved through it fast. My Mom is left with a un-fillable hole. My Dad isn’t the kind of man that is easily replaced.
He was cut from pure fucking rock.
Anyone who ever tested him found out.
He was a man in the most traditional sense.The Alpha.
In the last years though, there had been a softening within him.A clarity and a willingness to bend that was amazing to see.
Life has a way of showing you what you need to see in order to get your mind where it needs be.
My Dad saw enough to know what he wanted to know,no more no less.
He grew up in Detroit in the late 40’s early 50’s.He walked away from the Roman Catholic Church when he was 12 years old and never stopped speaking out against organized religion to the very end of his life.He was a top notch street fighter and a boxer.He joined the merchant marines when he was 17.He joined the Army during the Korean War but never saw battle,it ate at him.These events and decisions were the foundation of the man.
He worked his ass off to be independent of need.
He made it.
I feel a huge loss without him.I miss his directives.I miss his horrible sense of humor.I wish he would yell at me one more time and be disappointed in me.I wish he would have not left my Mom behind.I know that they wanted desperately to go out together.
My wishes are a sign of the weakness within my character.It shows that I don’t really believe my own words.That I write them from a place of total detachment and not a place of true reflection.
I am just too close to this.