Posted: December 2, 2008
I have killed more rats in my life then I can possibly remember. I have lived in many rat infested homes, let me pause and reflect.
There was a wharehouse in Emeryville, California that we lived in for 3 years where the rats were the pets as well as in the walls, some of the rats had freed themselves from the cages in the rooms and used to come back in and attack the the ones that were to afraid to leave on there own. All of the remaining caged rats in our rooms had had their toes removed through the cages by their newly feral cousins.
We lived in a house in West Oakland for a year that had disconnected garbage service well before we moved in, as a result the backyard was a 15′ x 40′ x 10′ wall of garbage with more to throw on everyday. The rats at that house never came inside, they were in heaven , in many cases literally as my roommate and I would drink after work and liberate them from there lives with a pellet gun as they crawled through the endless pile of rotting wastes. Endless fun.
I lived in a basement in Southern Oregon for 2 years that was previously uninhabited and was used as storage for the dog food of the previous renters hunting dogs. The basement was dirt and the door to it opened up within 40′ of a creek and some woods. I had no less then 6 rat traps set at all times in that place, they were everywhere. I rarely had guests who would stay for long unless they were to drunk to notice the eyes staring at them in the night and the semi regular snap of the traps, a sound that always brings a smile to my face.
I have killed them with traps, I have shot them, I have stomped them to death, I have crushed them with 30 lb. dumb bells, I fucking hate them. I hate there smell the most.
I have been on a killing spree over the last week getting 4 of them in the traps I have set in our pantry. I always spend time marveling at how they get caught, sometimes it’s a solid shot across the skull, other times a smashed beak, or the dreaded trapped arm followed by a slow death and a lot of blood. Nothing beats mopping up rat blood, but hey thats what kids are for. After all these years and all these dead rats, last night I had a penultimate experience in rat annihilation. I have reached the mountain top, I hold the scepter in my hand…
…last night as I prepared to serve dinner to my family I heard that oh so cheerful snap. I waited until after dinner to check and see if we had one. We didn’t. We had two. Two across the skull, a perfect shot, with one actually biting the food tray on the trap itself. They were laying directly next to each other in a line. Into eternity my fateful hand intertwined with there poor choice of cheese scraps. Life is good, God is Great, but Dead Rats is best.