I stand clear of you now. But the pieces that I kept keep trying to push you away. I need your hand on my shoulder, I need your words in my ear, I feel absolutely adrift because I never knew enough of you. I tried to absorb every piece and I failed it left me, I may be this worlds worst listener.

Everytime I come back to Europe I am first reminded of how much easier it is to exist as a fringe artist in this part of the world. Not only do the people in general have a deeper education and appreciation of art but the support that comes from the elders of the society here is something that is nothing if not completely honorable. The shows in France were great. Very receptive and open crowds, the traditionally amazing and clean French food, and nice and hospitable places to sleep. I am a very lucky man, to get the opportunity to experience all that world of Europe has to offer and I know it and I respect it.
I had the pleasure of doing a show with my old friend and co conspirator Eugene S. Robinson in Paris. If you don’t know who Eugene is do me a favor and look him up, singer, writer, fucker, fighter, father, and an all round damn good guy he never disappoints me with his amazing wit and observations of the world that surrounds us. I also shared the stage in Paris and Lille with Kenneth Thomas, director of the movie “Blood,Sweat,&Vinyl”, a documentary shot between 2005 and 2010 centering around 3 independent record labels, one of which I am part owner of, Neurot, Hydrahead, and Constellation. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who wants a look inside of the running of an indy label. The inner workings of which I don’t believe have ever been brought to light really in anyway at all.
I will check back in with you all soon as events unfold. Russia…I am coming.Visa has been secured. I can not fucking wait.

I felt the full moon running me down last week. I can’t tell you many nights I’ve spent in my life screaming into the abyss only to look up and see the full moon bearing down on my soul. I don’t know anything about lunar cycles or astrology per say, I just know that I’m as gemini as it gets especially when the moon is full.
I find myself on the eve of yet another trek through the old world, the land of where my blood traveled alone. I always look forward to reconnecting with Europe. If the gods are good to me I will be able to visit Russia for the first time, i look forward to this so much. Something that as a child was impossibly beyond the reaches of my imagination. I will also have the opportunity to bring my new songs and a couple older ones as well. I hope to see all of you there. Stay clear of werewolves…

I spent the winter traveling throughout the United States, New Zealand, and Australia. I also recorded a new solo record, and a new Neurosis record. The passing of Father hasn’t really hit me yet. I’ve had some time this month to heal at home and be with my loved ones. I have a few shows in europe mid April to early May and then I will return home for the better part of 6 months. I very much look forward to it. I need home time. My Family is growing around me and I need to be in it.

I lost a good old friend last week. Joel Olson, better known by some as Joel Hippycore. Joel and I had recently gotten back in touch via email after not being in contact for many years back in the late 80’s early 90’s Neurosis played many a show for him and his partner in crime Jack Kahn down in Phoenix. We would drive down there all the way from Oakland for one gig sometimes. It was always a great gig, they had such a positive scene going down there. For me I always felt that I was on vacation when we were there. I never the darkness of my mind when I was around those guys. I knew that they were on a different trip, and I was always jealous of it. I just wanted it to rub off on me. Joel was a guy with a smile that lit up the room. But his fire was was born of a passion to set things right, to teach and to do what had to be done without question or fear of the consequences. I will always hold him and Jack in the highest regard. May the Gods watch over Joels’ wife and children and may his spirit carry on forever within all that new him.

I lost my Dad back in October. It was from Leukemia, he was diagnosed in June and it took him down fast.

He and I had many difficult years but we had the time between June and October to bury it all and move forward.

I am so thankful for that.
My Wife and Children, my Brother and my extended Family and my True Blood Brothers were there for me when I needed them. He moved through it fast. My Mom is left with a un-fillable hole. My Dad isn’t the kind of man that is easily replaced.
He was cut from pure fucking rock.
Anyone who ever tested him found out.
He was a man in the most traditional sense.The Alpha.
Old school.
Unforgiving.
Ridged.
Violent.
In the last years though, there had been a softening within him.A clarity and a willingness to bend that was amazing to see.
Life has a way of showing you what you need to see in order to get your mind where it needs be.
My Dad saw enough to know what he wanted to know,no more no less.
He grew up in Detroit in the late 40’s early 50’s.He walked away from the Roman Catholic Church when he was 12 years old and never stopped speaking out against organized religion to the very end of his life.He was a top notch street fighter and a boxer.He joined the merchant marines when he was 17.He joined the Army during the Korean War but never saw battle,it ate at him.These events and decisions were the foundation of the man.
He worked his ass off to be independent of need.
He made it.
I feel a huge loss without him.I miss his directives.I miss his horrible sense of humor.I wish he would yell at me one more time and be disappointed in me.I wish he would have not left my Mom behind.I know that they wanted desperately to go out together.
My wishes are a sign of the weakness within my character.It shows that I don’t really believe my own words.That I write them from a place of total detachment and not a place of true reflection.
I am just too close to this.

I try not to let it get to me.

But it is always there.
In the shadows.
Within each footstep.
From the bottom of each breath.
I gave up trying to control it a long time ago.
I know that the only way to it, is through it.
The only thing I fear in life is time, because time brings me closer and keeps me father away from it.
The only thing I know for sure is that I know nothing at all.

Picking up where I left off, we had 2 great shows in France.1 on a boat in Lyon(that’s 2 boats in 1 tour) and 1 at a really cool spot in Montpelier called Inglorious Bar, the true south of France absolutely beautiful scenery and horrible fucking roads. After that we went into Spain, first stop was a tattoo appointment with Jondix(http://www.holytrauma.com/) it far exceeded my expectations. His artwork and rendering of my idea was perfect, but what a great guy. We listened to Jimi for 5 hours while the torture was executed perfectly. All of the Spanish shows were good in general. The turnouts were low, but to be expected in a country where there’s 23% unemployment. The people were fantastic and the landscape was the best I have ever witnessed. If you can imagine everything that is good about the land in California and the Northwest with castles and Roman ruins thrown in then you have an idea of the countryside in Spain is like. It was the cleanest country I have ever been in as well. Portugal gave us the 2 most well attended shows of this part of the tour and in fact the most respectful crowd I have ever played too(NYC it would have been you except for the cinder block guy).With about 3 days left in the tour we hit the southern most tip of Europe and we were able to see Africa(Morocco to be exact) it was an incredible moment for me, very hard to describe but alot of emotions stirred in me. I need to go there.

As I prepared to return home the news about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan begin crossing the wire. I had Melvins and High on Fire in Tokyo so we stood by waiting for conformation of everyones safety and whereabouts. These guys had just been in Christchurch when that quake hit so the PTSD is starting to become a reality.
I have to say that the images that the TV showed me in those days where overwhelming, they left me in ill humor to those who chose to not accept them and aknowledge them for what they were.Pure Tragedy.

Before I go I must share some thoughts on Jon “Bones” Jones, the new UFC Light Heavyweight Champion.He is Bruce Fucking Lee.He is Muhammad Ali.He Is Babe Ruth.He is 23 years old.I have never in my life seen a guy with so much fluidity,grace,and vision also be so ruthless, and destructive. He is the future of the sport that is the future sport of the world. You will all know him. He will revolutionize the entire game and rewrite every book before its over. And hes not even trying, its completely unconscious.

I am home now and getting my shit back together at work.It feels good to be home.Really good.

In other words I’m on the road again, seeing places that I’ve never been and I’m seeing faces that I’ll never see again.Honestly I’ve been on the road too much for my heart and soul lately, but the gigs have been great and the people even better.

I’ll start at the beginning this time.

I landed in berlin on the 14th and spent the evening at the Sunflower Hostel, where I have stayed before, its a nice spot and I feel comfortable there. When I woke up the 3rd time I went downstairs got caffieneated and wrote for about an hour awaiting the arrival of my trusted brother,traveling partner of 20 years, and confidant, Ansgar.The fact that I woke writing was a good sign, it rarely happens I’m more of a middle of the night kinda guy when it comes to that.

We headed to Prague to do a show for the aforementioned,”best guy in the world”, my friend Adam.Adam booked 9 shows throughout the eastern part of europe in addition to Prague for me.He is one those people who I immediately trusted within 20 minutes of getting to know him.When I say “one of those people”I mean none of those people because it doesn’t ever actually happen to me.This guy is a very special dude.He organizes great gigs in very special venues(last time I played there it was a castle, this time it was the oldest spot in Prague right by the river the origin of the city that other cities wish they could even parralell), he also books bands, raises a Family, works a day job, preforms music and is a die hard a recently reborn in the blood of C.Anthony New York Knicks fan.It was a great night as always, I love Prague…the record store owes me 1 Cockney Rejects CD but thats another story.

After a cool gig in Brno where I met some early 20s crazy ass downhill skateboarders who love Oxbow, we went into Poland. both gigs where amazing, the Polish people are so damn strong and bright.Krakow and its architecture blew my mind.I have been to Warsaw three times previously and Warsaw is stil way fucked up from WWII. 60% still bombed out and not rebuilt I believe so too see the original buildings still in tact as they were in Krakow was stunning, eye opening, and educational.Speaking of a Polish education I have special lesson only available here for those of who have stood by WBTTN waiting for me to get back to writing again.When you are in Poland and you have to use the restroom, they use symbols instead of words or intials.Heres the lesson…the downward pointing triangle is for men,the circle is for women.I dont know why and they asked me not to tell you but I thought if any of you the chance to be there in the future you may enjoy watching your friends do as I did…use the wrong one…and boy did I “use” it…

Anyway as continued through the east we made a point only eating in the local working class dinners and staying away from the kebab huts and the dreaded “American Embassies”.Everytime it worked out we had great healthy fresh food and I cool environment as well.I highly recomend this technique.

We saw our vey good friends Rastio,Marco and Peter in Bratislava it was a gig in an underground bomb shelter, the backstage was behind a shooting range.The venue was boat in Budapest, first time for that.And we got a chance to see the town for a few hours with our friend Balasz.Including a super cool little store run by a nice old guy who only sells replicas and t shirt representations of The Huns.I dropped a few euros there.Hard to forget the story that Blasz told us of a mentally disturbed guy climbing to the top a bridge that we were standing on, lighting himself on fire and miserably failing to make a succesful leap into river.Finding himself splatted but alive on the pavement he wouldn’t let anyone near him to put out the flames because he claimed to be Bruce Willis.I don’t think Bruce Willis is fire retardent,aparently this guy proved not be as well…good night Bruno.

Zagreb was a great show put on by a very cool guy named Mate, it was at a college venue run by students, most of whom were able to handle there alcohol.Ljubjana was great as well, super cool crowd, a nice sqautted venue in an abandoned army barracks that had been held for over 20 years(I tried to explain how insane the thought of that is to an American at that time I didn’t think anyone outside of the states could quite comprehend the heavy handedness of the U.S in matters such as this, I would learn differently in a few days)…

The first Italian show was poorly attended but the people that payed to get in where very cool and respectful and i played the show for them.The single most annoying guy I’ve met in awhile was in full regalia at the show and he wouldn’t shut his drunk ass or stop tromping around in his 3 foot wallet chain for the entire set.You can suck it,jinglebells…

Turin is really cool town I can feel it unfortunately we had no chance to experience it but hopefully when I rturn ther with Neurosis this summer I will.Great show, great crowd,great dinner.Bologna was cold as fuck and the gig was in a very small stone building with no heat causing some old man hands to get pretty slowed up on the fretboard but the vibe in the room was pretty stunning it was so quiet you could here a pin drop.I truly respect that so much.Thank you guys for that.Great free jazz kinda band opened the night,Mombu, Luca and Antonio great guys.We made plans to rock in the future.The Hellfire Family are some of my favorite peoples by the way.

Ok so now I sit on the coast of Italy awaiting a return to Lyon,France tomorrow, a place where I have a lot history with Neurosis and where I will play on yet another boat.After that its Montepellier and on to the cornerstone of the whole tour the shows booked in Spain and Portugal.This is what got me here for this tour, I am really lloking forward too it.Barcelona on the 3rd will be the first show and my 3rd tattoo appointment of the tour.My first was just previous to leaving the states with the guy that I believe is the best tattooer in the world right now,Thomas Hooper,he is a master.My appontment in Barcelona is with Jondix who I only know through email and his website but I expect great things.

The one I had yesterday was a little different then anything else I’ve ever had.I was tattooed by a Siberian writer who know lives in Milan by the name of Nicolai Lilin.He has written a book called “Siberian Education(Family,Honor and Tattos:an extraordinary underworld life)”, go youtue him or google him.His book is out in the states soon.Also soon to be a major motion picture.This guy and his story is unparralleled in my lifes experience.Here’s a few of the highlights, but honestly you need to check this out for yourself immediately, he’s been tattooing since he was 9, went to adult prison at the age 12 for attempted murder, he grew in an exclusivly outlawed criminal community in Siberia at war with the Russian government from the day he was born.The things this guy has been through in his 31 years will leave you in awe.And he has the ability to enjoy life.He is a true warrior for what is right in the world, he has spoken out publicly about the oppressive regime in Russia now, the Catholic churches’ disgusting protection of there pedophile preists, as well against extremist religious dogma.All of this has gotten him a lot of enemys, of which he says he has absolutely no fear.And I believe him, his culture has a respect for death that makes him so.An amazing guy who I truly admire.
Allright thanks to all of you whom I have met on the first part of this tour, France&Spain; you are next…

I haven’t been here in awhile. I’m going to try and get the machine working again. Please stick with me. The events of my past year will not go uncounted they just need to be sorted properly in order that I might bring them to light.

I love my Family…